


Lost Pages

by notXdone21



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Everything we never got to see, F/F, No William LaMontagne, Romance, So No Henry/Michael
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27077227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notXdone21/pseuds/notXdone21
Summary: This is going to be what we never got to see between Emily and JJ, with the other members of the team obvs. If need be, I will make it a series. It will be mostly following chronology, however, if people want to request between-the-scenes from something that I skip over, comment the season and episode, and a description of the scene I will focus on.Note: There will be a combination of perspectives, some from JJ's point of view and some from Emily's point of view.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	1. The FBI Job

Before the BAU, Emily had always been a little bit of an outsider. It was mainly by choice, but she had to admit, it was really difficult for her to relate to her coworkers and acquaintances on a lot of levels. If she was being truthful, she liked it, for the most part. She declined invitations to drinks and tried to stay pretty well detached. Her love life was a string of one-night stands and the occasional “acquaintances with benefits.” It felt safer for her that way on one hand, and on the other, she didn’t have to try to be someone that she wasn’t.

Emily came from money, and while she was not particularly shy about the hefty trust-fund that fueled her lifestyle, she wasn’t arrogant about it. While she spent a lot of money on luxury housing and furniture and higher end clothing, she also donated a sizable portion of her income to various charities. 

She was also very well-connected, due in part to her mother’s position as a prominent US Ambassador, and in part to her father’s status as a decorated war hero, who was killed in action just after her 16th birthday. 

Due to the nature of her mom’s work, Emily had been all over the world and was fluent in 6 languages besides English, and held two Masters degrees from Yale University, the first in Criminal Justice and the second in Behavioral Psychology. 

A lot of people were intimidated by Emily’s long list of accolades, but to Emily, it just felt like “stuff.” She wasn’t scary, and in some ways, it was lonely, intimidating everyone she would want to date or have drinks with or go to a movie with. But it made her very good at her past jobs, and she hoped to god it would help her succeed in her new job.

In addition to her long list of personal and educational qualifiers, Emily had an impressive employment record. She had spent years at Interpol, and on a really specific task force with some of Interpol’s finest profilers, and had spent the last ten years at the FBI in the counter terrorism unit. But despite the past experience, she woke up on her first day at the BAU with a queasy feeling deep in her stomach. She tried to eat, but the nausea was overwhelming. She would eat after she made it through the first day. 

With a shrug, she discarded her untouched cup of coffee and the eggs and bacon she had made, and left. Her home was only 15 minutes away from the J Edgar Hoover building, but she left 40 minutes early. She had always been one of those 15-minutes-prior people to regular events, but the more important the moment, the earlier she would show up.

She spent ten minutes sitting in her car in the parking garage, focused solely on trying to calm her nerves. She met her own gaze in the rear-view mirror and smoothed her hair, then spoke softly. “It’s just another FBI job,” she said.

In truth, though, it wasn’t ‘just another’ FBI job. It was _The FBI Job._ It was the reason that Emily decided to study Criminal Justice and Behavioral Psych. It was the first job that she went after, and got, without her mom playing puppet master. She shook with excitement, equally terrified of the day ahead of her. 

She gathered her briefcase and headed towards the Hoover building. She had crossed this same parking garage, walked up the same concrete steps, and gotten on the same elevator every morning for the last 10 years, but today, she felt lost, like she was brand new. She hit the button for the 8th floor, surpassing her usual floor, and waited. 

The elevator ride was agonizing, and Emily did her best to keep her spirits up. She watched as the red numbers at the top of the elevator ticked higher and higher, shifting her weight back and forth on her feet. This wasn’t even the highest stakes job Emily had ever had, but she was terrified, terrified to fuck it up, to show weakness. 

Finally, after 2 minutes that felt like 10, the elevator doors slid open, and Emily stepped out onto the 8th floor. Glass doors in front of her opened into a bullpen not unlike the one she had worked in downstairs. Emily’s were frozen to the spot. She tried to will herself into the room before her, but she couldn’t convince one foot to step in front of the other. Suddenly, the nausea from this morning washed over her again, and she darted to the left of the elevators, towards the women’s room.

Doubled over the toilet, Emily wretched before her knees even hit the floor. She held her hair tightly behind her with one hand, bracing herself against the back of the toilet with the other. 

“You okay in there?” a quiet voice spoke through the steel door of the stall. After it seemed that the vomiting subsided, Emily wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and straightened up.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, flushing the toilet. “Just nerves, I guess. It’s my first day.”

“First day?” the voice asked again. “Like, at the BAU?”

“Yeah,” Emily replied. She unlatched the door and pulled it open. The first thing she saw were bright red lips, a pink stripe buried in platinum hair. A woman stood before her, smiling a brilliant white smile. Everything about her face was warm and friendly, something that wasn’t entirely familiar to Emily.

“No shit,” the woman said, sticking out a hand. “I’m Penelope Garcia, the BAU’s technical analyst. They call me Garcia, or PG, or All-Knowing Goddess of Quantico. I prefer the last one.”

Emily did her best to return the smile with one equally as warm, grabbing the outstretched hand firmly in her own. “Emily,” she said. “I don’t usually get nervous like this; I just wasn’t expecting this to happen so fast.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Penelope said. “The team’s great. The bosses, Hotch and Gideon, are difficult to read, and seem to be a little on the rigid side, but they’re good bosses. Reid is sweet and innocent and completely _brilliant._ Morgan, well… he’s my man. And JJ is smart and kind and funny, and an incredible media liaison.”

“Great, and I’m about to meet them all smelling like puke,” Emily snorted, shaking her head. She brushed past Penelope and washed her hands, then bent over the sink and splashed water over her face and into her mouth.

“I’ve got gum, if you want,” Penelope offered. Emily perked up and smiled gratefully. 

“You’re a real life saver,” Emily smiled, accepting a neatly wrapped silver stick.

“Get used to sayin’ that, sweet cheeks,” Penelope winked. She looked at her watch and gestured for Emily to follow her out of the bathroom. “Everyone rolls in around 7:30, they should start coming in soon. Agent Hotchner’s office as across the bullpen at the top of the stairs. Right next door to the room with the big round table. Wait in there, he should already be up there. Just knock.”

Emily nodded and smiled, and with numb legs, turned to leave. She stopped briefly, and turned back to Garcia. "Don't tell anyone about this?" Emily asked. Garcia cocked her head to one side, and then nodded, miming zipping her lips. Emily gave her a thumbs up, and a smile with eyes that whispered 'thank you' and she walked away from the kind blonde, towards the beginning of her new career. 

***

The voice from behind the door was curt, but Emily noted that it sounded kind. She pushed the door open and plastered on the most genuine smile she could muster. 

“Hi, I’m Agent Emily Prentiss,” she said, reaching out a hand to shake his. He looked at her, and for a fleeting moment, she could read the confusion on his face, replaced by something else. 

“You’re Ambassador Prentiss’s daughter,” he said. Emily’s smile faltered, and she cast her eyes downward. There it was, another person who only knew her name because of her mother. This was supposed to be the one thing she did on her own, her mother be damned. She played along, and told him about where she had been, how her mother was doing, but remained tall, expectant. 

“What can I do for you?” he asked finally, as Emily stood staring at him, awaiting instruction. 

His brow furrowed in confusion as she spoke, sliding the personnel file across his desk. “I was hoping you could tell me where to put my stuff. I’m supposed to start here today.”

The confusion didn’t lift, and when he spoke, Emily felt that nausea return, followed immediately by embarrassment. Had this been some joke? Was someone trying to get her in trouble? “There’s been a mistake.” The four worst words Emily thought she had ever heard.

“I don’t think so, sir,” she said, though her face betrayed her words, as her own lack of confidence settled on her. 

“No, this is a mistake,” he maintained, reading the same lines in her file repeatedly. Before he could elaborate, another sharp knock landed on the sturdy door frame. 

“Excuse me,” Emily spun around to see who had spoken. Every other feeling she had felt moments before instantly melted away when her eyes rested on the woman in the doorway. 

She was a petite woman, though her curves were obvious in the clothing that she wore, a pair of tight black pants and a blue shirt tucked snuggly into the waistband. Straight blonde hair fell like a waterfall down her head and past her sturdy shoulders. But more than anything, it was the eyes, those piercing blue eyes that met Emily’s, and locked there for a second longer than felt natural, though Emily like the feeling. As if they were both seeing her and seeing right through her. Emily could have sworn she saw a faint smile playing across the perfect pink lips as they met eyes, but in an instant, it was gone as the blonde woman informed her supervisor that there was a case. 

As soon as she had arrived, she was gone, and Emily noted the uncomfortable emptiness she felt. She had never felt something like that before. She wanted to know more about the woman who had just stolen all of the air from Emily’s lungs as though it was nothing, who sent a spark shooting down her spine. 

Agent Hotchner followed the blonde out of the room, leaving Emily standing there like a fool, wondering what was happening, and yet her mind continued to wander back to those blue eyes, all of the light in the world, gazing into her own, seeming to warm everything that they touched.


	2. Protocols

The case in Missouri was a long one, in part due to the severity of the murders they were seeing, from two different unsubs, but in part because JJ’s mind was stuck 800 miles away, with the tall, dark haired woman she had seen in Hotch’s office just before they left. She found herself wondering where that woman was, what she wanted with Hotch. She wanted to ask her supervisor, but thought better of it. He seemed more than peeved at the presence of a stranger in his office. 

To JJ’s surprise, however, the woman was still there when they returned, two days later. She was sitting in SSA Hotchner’s office, just as she had been when JJ showed up to tell Hotch about the Missouri case. JJ was puzzled at the relief she felt simply laying eyes on this woman. It was a calming presence that JJ couldn’t explain, but that felt like an oasis next to the hell they had endured over the last two days. 

She sat on the edge of Agent Reid’s desk, pretending to look over a file in her hands, all the while, her eyes were fixed on the two figures in the office, deep in conversation. She couldn’t read lips, and didn’t know what they were saying, but she was so drawn to the way the pale skinned woman moved her lips, and the way she stood, her back straight, squared up to Hotch like she didn’t have a care in the world. JJ found herself thinking how badly she wanted to know that woman. 

Several minutes passed, and Reid cleared his throat. “JJ?” he asked, and JJ turned around to look at the young, shaggy agent beside her. “Did you hear me?”

“No, sorry,” JJ said. She set aside the case file she was looking at and did her best to focus on Reid. 

“Are you okay?” he narrowed his eyes at her. She knew that he was too oblivious to social cues to recognize the deep blush on her chest, creeping up her neck to her cheeks, and thanked god for that. _God, what is it about her_ , JJ wondered.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long case, I guess,” JJ said with a swift wave of her hand. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you wanted to join the rest of us for drinks tonight,” Reid repeated, though JJ only heard it for the first time. 

“Sure, yeah,” JJ said, turning back towards the office. It seemed that their conversation was over, and Hotch crossed to the door and stepped out. 

“Agent Jareau, I have a task for you,” he said, motioning her to the office. JJ stood almost too eagerly and rushed across the bullpen to the bottom of the staircase. 

“This is Emily Prentiss,” Hotch said, pointing at the most beautiful woman JJ had ever seen. JJ crossed into the office and pulled the door shut behind her. Hotch gestured for the two of them to sit, and then continued his introductions. “She is going to be joining us here at the BAU. Emily, this is Agent Jennifer Jareau, she is our media liaison. JJ, I wanted to ask if you wouldn’t mind walking Emily through our protocols, and just getting her up to speed, as she will be joining us on our next case.” 

JJ looked over at the woman sitting beside her. She had deep brown eyes, eyes that seemed bottomless, and somehow warm and inviting. Long black hair framed a porcelain face, falling just below Emily’s strong shoulders. JJ noted the way that she sat, crossing her right ankle over her left knee, holding her top leg in place with slender fingers wrapped around her knee. 

JJ hadn’t realized that she had yet to respond until Hotch spoke again. “Of course, I would hope we could get it done tonight, that way she’s ready should a new case cross your desk that requires immediate attention tomorrow,” he pressed. 

“Oh, of-of course,” JJ stuttered, looking back to her supervisor leaning back against his large oak desk. He stared through narrow eyes, his lips pulled tight, brows furrowed as he looked between them, studying the two women. JJ turned to Emily and smile warmly. “I’ll show you to my office, and we can look over a few things. It shouldn’t take too long. We can read over some of the protocols, the ones that matter anyway. The rest of it, I think you can pretty effectively learn as you go.”

“Thanks,” Emily smiled back. They got to their feet and made to leave, when Hotch spoke again.

“Actually, Agent Prentiss,” he said, his eyes fixed on JJ. “You go to JJ’s office, take a right out of my office and it’s just three doors down. JJ I would like a word with you.”

JJ watched as Emily left, and then closed the door softly behind her.

“Is everything okay?” Hotch asked when JJ turned to face him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” JJ answered, almost too quickly. “It was a long case, I’m just tired is all.”

Hotch nodded and then smiled a rare, genuine smile, however small it was. “That case was a doozy,” he nodded, and then let out a long sigh. “Two unsubs in competition. Not a case I care to repeat.” He paused for a moment, as if in thought. “If you need to push this until tomorrow, I understand.”

“That’s okay,” JJ said. She looked up at the clock on the wall behind Hotch. Only 7:15, she figured she could train Emily and still make good on her promise to meet Reid, Morgan, and Garcia for drinks. “It won’t take long, truthfully. A lot of the ‘protocols’ are really intuitive, and something tells me she’s a quick learner. Are you joining everyone else for drinks tonight?”

“Not tonight,” Hotch answered. “I have to get home to Haley, relieve her of Jack duty for the night.”

JJ nodded in understanding and smiled. “We’ll miss you, but that boy is lucky to have a devoted dad. See you tomorrow, sir.”

She left his office, and couldn’t stave off the excitement she felt to be face to face with this new beauty that had walked into her life. She hoped that Emily would like her. 

******************************************

“And that’s basically it,” JJ said, closing the open file on her desk. She folded her hands over it and looked up at the woman across from her. Emily had an amused half-smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Any questions?” JJ asked her. 

“I don’t really think so,” she said, leaning back in the chair across from JJ. “You were very thorough.” She looked around the room, at the frames on the walls. Three diplomas hung on the wall directly behind her, two from Georgetown and one from the University of Pittsburgh. There were three more frames on her desk, one of her in a blue soccer jersey with her arms around two other girls from her team. There was a photo of her wearing a black graduation cap and gown, holding a diploma in front of her, standing beside a woman who looked like her plus about 20 years. The third was of a group, JJ and Hotchner, the woman Emily recognized as Penelope Garcia, and two other men that Emily had seen in the bull pen but didn’t know their names. “How long have you been here? And how is the team?”

“Six years now,” JJ said, opening her eyes again and looking at Emily. “And the team’s great. Garcia is just a little ray of sunshine. Spence, well, Doctor Reid, is brilliant. He knows like, everything. Agent Morgan is like a big brother. He’s really reliable. Hotch and Gideon are intimidating, but they’re like the team dads, and they’ll always have your back. I think you’ll fit right in. In fact, why don’t you join us tonight for drinks. It’ll be a good opportunity to see them and get to know them outside of the horror of what we do every day.” 

Emily considered saying no, she wasn’t really a ‘go out for drinks with the team’ kind of person, but she wanted to spend time with JJ, she wanted to get to know this warm, soft, kind, mysterious woman before her. “They won’t mind?”

“They won’t mind. Come on, I’ll drive.”


	3. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a two-parter. The first I wrote while listening to a song "Numb" by The Airborne Toxic Event.

Everyone returned from their case in Atlanta definitely worse for the wear, and understandably so. They sat on the jet in silence, interrupted only momentarily at the beginning of the flight when Reid took a seat next to JJ. She hadn’t said more than two words to any of them since they left the Hankel farm. She sat in her usual spot at one of the windows, and her eyes were fixed on the skyline as they made their ascent.

Emily sat across from her, watching cautiously at the way JJ chewed her lips and cheeks and brushed the hair out of her face. Reid had previously been sitting on the couch behind JJ’s seat, but right after takeoff, he moved to the chair beside her.

“It’s not your fault,” he said, nudging her with his elbow. She looked up at him. Her eyes were rimmed with red, glistening as the tears threatened to fall. He offered her a weak smile. He was trembling, and had been since they picked him up in the cemetery. Emily glanced away and tried not to listen. It would have been rude to intrude on their private moment, and she didn’t want to be rude. 

“I shouldn’t have let you go off on your own,” JJ replied. Her voice sounded tight as the words tried to escape around the lump in her throat. “We should’ve stuck together.”

“It was my idea to separate,” Reid argued. “And besides, how were we supposed to know what would happen. I’m fine and it wasn’t your fault.” 

JJ opened her mouth, as if trying to find the words, but thought better of it and simply nodded. Reid nudged her again and then returned to his spot on the couch. Emily glanced back at JJ, who had returned to staring out the window.

“JJ, he’s right,” she whispered. JJ didn’t move, and Emily watched her as she attempted to swallow back the tears. Despite her best efforts, they began to fall from her eyes and roll down her cheeks. 

Emily stood and crossed to sit beside JJ. Instinctively, she reached out for JJ’s hand. Her long fingers were soft and warm, and Emily squeezed gently. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“He’s my best friend, Emily,” JJ whispered, almost inaudibly. “I don’t know what I’d do without him.” 

“He’s right there,” Emily said. “You don’t have to wonder, because he’s right there.” JJ let out a silent sob, and Emily leaned into her a little bit, offering as much comfort as she could. 

“I don’t think you should be alone tonight,” Emily said. JJ’s head snapped up and she looked around at Emily. “I’ll drive you home. You can come stay at my apartment, or we can go to yours, but you shouldn’t be alone.”

JJ thought for a moment, and Emily could have sworn she could see the faintest sparkle in JJ’s eyes. Finally, she nodded and mouthed a silent thank you.

Once they landed, Emily gathered her things and followed JJ off the jet. “What did you decide? My place or yours?”

“Yours, I think,” JJ said. She refused to look at Emily as she spoke, doing her best to hide the blush in her cheeks. As if trying to play it off, she added, “it’s closer.”

Emily nodded and motioned JJ towards her car. She opened the passenger door for the smaller woman, and watched as she climbed in. Then she circled around the front of the vehicle and took her spot in the driver’s seat. 

Emily drove a car that was much nicer than her own. It was a newer model BMW, and it had all of the comforts that JJ would never budget for. She would almost be embarrassed by the stark contrast if she wasn’t so goddamn proud of her ’03 Honda Civic. She had to admit, though, she could get used to a car like this.

The second Emily turned over the key, the sound of an electric guitar and a steady drum beat filled the silence. JJ found herself surprised by the indie rock that cut through the air between them. She would be lying if she had said she expected this to be Emily’s go-to music. Emily reached a hand out to turn it off, but JJ grabbed her wrist. When Emily looked up at her, she simply shook her head. 

JJ had developed a love for music at a really early age. It was where she went to escape the abuse at the hands of her father, to drown out the sound of her parents fighting. When she was 11, it was where she went so that she didn’t have to think about the loss of her sister. And all through high school, she realized that it was the best way to get to know someone’s true heart. She wanted to know Emily, at her core. Wanted to know what she felt, how she thought.

Emily returned her hands to the steering wheel, but didn’t move. She watched JJ as she pressed the restart button on the console. The blonde leaned back and rested her head on the chair behind her. Her eyes slipped shut and she wrapped her arms around herself. Emily suddenly felt self-conscious at how intently JJ was listening to her music. It made her feel vulnerable in a way she didn’t know how to feel. 

_I’ve been in a daze, it seems like days that I’ve been waiting for this dream to pass, it goes so fast, it seems nothing lasts I think I’ve lost something._

As the voice of the singer filled the space between them, JJ’s eyes opened and she turned to Emily. “I like this,” she said. The song sounded sad, but also full of hope. It was as if the man singing was trying to tell a conflicting story, about the beauty of a moment and the pain of the same moment passed.

“They’re new,” Emily said. Relief washed over her as JJ smiled. Emily couldn’t explain it, but it mattered to her that JJ would like her music. “His voice feels like peace and turmoil all at once.” 

JJ nodded. She could feel it too. The song talked about this feeling of numbness, the way that it seems that no one else can really see you. She wanted to reach out and grab Emily’s hand, to tell her that she sees her. As the song faded out, Emily put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking lot. 

JJ reached out and turned the radio down enough that they could still hear the album progress, but could also hear one another over the radio. “Thank you,” she said, looking at Emily. Emily glanced from the road to the woman sitting beside her. She seemed calmer than she was on the jet, and Emily hoped that it had anything to do with her. 

“Of course,” Emily said simply. In the glow cast by the streetlights, JJ noticed just how beautiful this woman was. She had black hair that fell just past her shoulders, and straight white teeth. Her skin was pale, but it looked soft and seemed to glow even when the light wasn’t on it. Her eyes were dark and piercing, with soft flecks of gold and a ring of dark green. They reminded JJ of the earth after it rains. She had to resist the urge to reach out and stroke Emily’s cheek, to see if it truly was as smooth as it looked. 

“I thought we could grab take-out, and I have plenty of wine at home,” Emily said as she pulled into a parking lot. JJ raised an uncertain eyebrow as Emily put the car in park. They had pulled up at a rundown gas station, that advertised take-out Chinese. “Don’t worry, this is the best Chinese you’ve ever had. Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

JJ shrugged and nodded. As Emily got out of the car, JJ turned the volume back up on the radio. She skipped back to the song that had played when they first got in the car. She kept her eyes on Emily as the woman walked to the gas station. She couldn’t keep her eyes from traveling from Emily’s broad strong shoulders, down her back, to the perfect sculpted ass. She wanted to grab Emily from behind, her hands on Emily’s hips, pulling the woman back against her body and-

_What the fuck?_ JJ shook her head and tried to stop thinking about her hands all over Emily’s body, her warmth emanating through JJ. Just thinking about it, she could feel the heat in her stomach and chest, creeping up her neck and over her cheeks. Since when did she want to touch another woman like that? 

_I don’t know where I am, I don’t know what I’ve done. I just go over and over it again and again and again. I can’t sleep at night I can’t breathe but if I drink tonight I’ll get you off my mind._

JJ listened to the song a few times as she waited for Emily to return. It was an interesting song, about forgetting someone that you felt drawn to. It made her think about Emily, about the nights that she spent by herself wondering why she couldn’t _stop_ thinking about Emily. 

“You like this?” Emily’s voice startled JJ as she climbed into the car. JJ had zoned out, listening to the music and thinking about the gorgeous brunette with the dark, charming eyes. 

“I really do,” JJ smiled. She put her seatbelt on and took the bag of food from Emily so that she could drive. They pulled out of the parking lot and didn’t speak for the rest of the drive to Emily’s apartment.


End file.
